NLO Musings

Part II - External Motivation the Hard Way

     I never had a gifted mentor to show me the way.  I’ve always had to motivate myself.  I think all of the “leaders” in my life saw the potential in me, but didn’t really know how to effectively draw it out and help me mold it.  Life forced me do that on my own.
     My basketball coach in high school was a field hockey specialist.  She coached basketball as part of her teaching obligation.  She tried.  It’s not as if she didn’t try.  I was certainly an erratic, hormonal teenager on and off of the court.  I’m sure I wasn’t easy to coach.  She used to bench me to make me mad and then she’d put me in the game.  That used to piss me off.  So, her external punishment motivation worked.  It got me energized, but in a negative way.  I never understood what she was doing until a few years after graduation I returned to my high school.  She was there and admitted she didn’t know what to do with me.  She was frustrated because she knew I had talent (duh, I went on to have a great career at Penn State and get a contract to play Pro!), but couldn’t get a handle on how to coax it out of me consistently.  She used the only method that seemed to work, lame as it was.
     The other type of leader I had was the kind I had to manage!  When I worked at HersheyPark, one of my managers was a guy who was very good technically, but not with people.  I was studying Industrial Psychology at the time and he would listen to the tips I fed him on how to handle personnel issues.  Somehow we had developed mutual respect even though he was several years older and my boss.  That was a precursor to my career as a management consultant.
     He provided opportunities for me to practice what I was learning, such as upgrading the interviewing process for the ride operators.  I helped him reduce his turnover and training costs while he helped me put theory into practice.  He didn’t “motivate” me directly.  He offered me the chance to motivate myself.  I would go to him with suggestions for improvements.  He would think them over, discuss them with his boss, and then tell me which ones were approved for me to implement.  In that way, he was a good manager for me because he didn’t try to do anything to get me to produce.  In essence, he followed the ideas that I proposed and kept the way open to implement them.  In retrospect, maybe he was a genius leader.  At the time, I always thought I was leading him.  At least he wasn’t trying to piss me off to utilize my potential.  He, too, did not know what to do with me.  He was astute enough to let the good things happen which benefitted his career, mine, the employees, and the company!
     Those are only two examples of past "motivators" of mine.  There were a few others along the way, but  it’s no surprise that I ended up in business for myself.  I’m doing what I had to do my entire life, motivate myself.
     I’ve been teaching motivation to business leaders for almost 30 years.  My formal education included all the theories of motivation.  I’ve built a career helping these leaders apply the theories as effectively as possible in their companies.  However, the need for every individual to learn to motivate himself was lurking around every corner.  In my inimitable wisdom, one day I realized how dependent I was on someone else to motivate me!  At that moment, I launched into a self-evolutionary phase to rid myself of external control of my life.
     My old self used to need someone to “piss me off” to set me in motion.  My new self has shed that process (it has taken years to do so) and replaced it with my own internal motivational system.  It’s customized and is constantly being upgraded, just like every other piece of software that gets developed.
     In order to tune into your own motivational guidance system, you must make that leap in perception that you are in charge of your own life as if it were a business.  You are the leader and no one is going to motivate you.  That’s a good thing.  Your personal motivational process will be far more effective and satisfying.
     Lucky for me that I had all those difficult challenges in my life!  I’ve been making lemonade with the arsenal of lemons thrown my way.  Lucky for you that I’m developing this aspect of my business!  You don’t have to figure it out the hard way like I did.  You can take advantage of both my personal and professional experience.  Unleash more of your potential without having to stumble around and figure it out as you go.  I’m here when you are ready.   

Who Motivates the Motivator?

In management consulting, we repeatedly use this question to describe the President of a company. There's an unconscious employee expectation that they should be motivated by their leader.  Of course, many proud and rebellious individuals would vehemently deny it!  Still, it's true.  Most of us look outside of ourselves for motivation.  By motivation I mean the courage and energy to actively pursue our goals.  The two basic external motivation factors are reward and punishment.

If you stretch the concept of President and consider that each of us is the leader of her life, the question applies to us all.  If I am the top dog in my business of Me, Inc., then who motivates me?  Who sets the direction of my life?  Who keeps me on course and holds me accountable?  Me, that's who!  It seems logical that the Me Generation would embrace the notion of Me, Inc.  We spent our lives changing the world with this theme for the good and the bad.

We all know the "bad" results.  I won't address the negative consequences of focusing on ourselves.  It's time to fully own our Presidential status.  We need to learn to take responsibility and how to hold ourselves accountable for our actions. We need to improve our succession planning = the way we are passing it on to the next generation.  It's going to take a lot of personal development to tap our internal method of motivation as we wean ourselves off the external ones.

It's never too late to learn something new, develop a new skill, polish up and old one, change your thoughts, or change your behavior.  So, CEO of Me, Inc.  where are you leading yourself today? 

Foul Weather Friends

    When I was growing up we used to talk about "fair-weather friends."  Those were the people who hung around you when you were in good spirits and your life was going smoothly.  When something bad happened, or you weren't in the greatest of moods, they were conspicuous by their absence!  Back then to be considered a fair-weather friend was a criticism.  Fast forward to today.  My how things have changed!
    I'm christening a new title for friends who rise to the occasion when you've got a problem and need HELP!  Foul-weather friends are those who rush to your side when a crisis arises.  Our generation has developed the capacity to rally when a friend is in need.  We need these people to support us and ease the pain we're experiencing at the time.  In fact, I believe we need both kinds.
    Each has a sixth sense about when and where circumstances require their specialty.  I no longer consider my fair-weathers neglectful.  Heck, I benefit greatly from them when they're around.  They know how to stay focused on the positive.  They are the best partiers.  They know how to have fun and enjoy living in the moment.  When the going gets too tough for them, they remove themselves.  Instinctively, they know they aren't much good in an emergency.  How emotionally healthy of them!
    Of course, I love my foul-weathers because they provide all the hugs, motivation, band-aids, and salve I need to get through the crisis.  I depend on them and trust I can lean on their shoulders during a difficult time.  Once their work is done they intuitively know to move on to another in need knowing I'm back on my feet and centered again.  They did their work and I appreciate it.
    Then, there are the select one or two rock-solid best friends that stick with you through the entire roller coaster ride of your life.  They are the blessings in my life.  I want them close by at all times. We lean on and support each other through it all, but I don't want to exhaust them by drawing on them exclusively.  Otherwise, I'll burn out a valued relationship.  Sometimes that close friend is not available due to a crisis She is handling in her own life.  That's where the rest of the crew comes in.  I spread my needs around to be filled by the fair-weathers and the foul-weathers, giving and receiving the best of what each has to offer.  In doing so,  I appreciate what each has to offer without pressuring or demanding something that they can't give.  Allowing each to flow in and out of your life respects the individual for who she (or he) is and keeps the door open for her return.

We are all connected!

It never ceases to amaze me how the Universe (Collective Unconscious, Ethereal Highway, Divine Matrix, etc.) responds to the messages I send out.  In the past few days had not only one, but two, of these experiences.

Recently, I was thinking about how to launch a series of new services and products for one of my businesses.  Over the years I've dabbled with these ideas, but had not seriously focused on them for various reasons (e.g. "life was interfering").  I did create a website and added a few items periodically.  These little steps I took turned out to be seeds I planted that took root when I wasn't watching!

First, I received an unsolicited e-mail from a woman who found me via my website though a connection (=seed) I made back in June, 2007. What was amazing was less than three HOURS before I received this e-mail, I had sent out a request to friends and colleagues for feedback about exactly what the woman was seeking!

The second synchronous event happened a few days later while I was chatting with a small business owner about personal and professional growth services.  She wasn't interested in the personal growth focus, but more in the business growth area.  She vividly described how she would "love" to join a group of like-minded owners to support her throughout the year as she pursued her ambitious goals!  Her  desire was an exact match to an idea I had on the back burner for several years!

As I follow my own advice to "Finish What You Start.  Celebrate What You Finish!" © 1996-2008, I'm taking the initial steps to pursue long held dream of mine. Even with only my thoughts of this endeavor I have already been supported through the synchronicity of life.

Gratefully,

Nancy